Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
