Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
