im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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