Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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