do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.