i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have fence marks all over my body