I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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