She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.