My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.