I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out