Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.