new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
