Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
