Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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