definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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