everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
