Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
