I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
