I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
