OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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