She is in my trunk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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