Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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