Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse