If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober