So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
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He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible