Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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