my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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