He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
