508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
