this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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