I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You ruined the universe
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
