when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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