I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
