I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
