We named our party play list daddy issues
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
