She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
