I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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