I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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