currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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