Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
