I am spending my child support on dildos
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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