oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
