So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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