My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
