I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
