i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
