This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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