i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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