It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
