I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He passed out mid-signature
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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