Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
