I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
