I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
