so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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