Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
