she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
