In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
