I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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