Life is so much better after having sex.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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