So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
