meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
