Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You pole danced in your parka.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize