Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
