he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
