he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
please don't ironically join a cult
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