Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
