What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
