Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
