omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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