so that wasnt chicken after all
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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